I am the almight Lewgan...

"Here in the 21st century its time to stand up and realize that we should not allow ourselves to be crammed into this rat maze we should not submit to dehumanization. i'm concerned with the structure i'm concerned with the systems of control. Those that control my life and those that seek to control even more. i want freedom!"

-Pixel

hey, i'm not sure who really reads this anymore, but just sittin here writing my chemistry paper on entropy, and decided to write something. I was thinking the other day about the bible, and i was thinking maybe the whole thing is just ridiculously metaphorical. Not metaphorical like "oh seven days meant the 7 points of a star which was judaism and therefore christianity is sinful" no not like that. I mean like ULTRA metaphorical. For example. The bible follows three basic stages: Before Jesus, Jesus, and After Jesus. Before we clearly label Jesus as a man, we have to consider his divinity as well. Jesus is God. Well what is God? He loves us, however he rules over us. He is just, however he is full of grace. He is the single most lovable, yet hatable in that sort of policeman like motherly "I'm looking out for your own good" way. So God, what is he? Oops, what is It? A light that extends towards us when we die, giving us the knowledge of everything. Maybe that's all the tree in the garden of eden was. God was saving it for when we died, saving the best for last, but we had to go and eat it. Which brings up another good point. Human Nature. Those words seem to be almost oxymorons. Human, Nature. Human destroys nature, nature destroys humans. A cycle? Maybe that's what God is. God is just the remainder in the unbalanced equation of a cycle that is produced when man tries to conquer nature. Maybe God is the creator of that nature, that cycle in the first place. But there is one thing God is: He is the same. He is the same no matter who you are. Relativism doesnt work. It never will. God is there, He is something. What? nobody knows. A fat indian man? 5 pillars? Who knows. Now back to Jesus. Jesus is the son of God. DId anybody take the time to ask who was the mother?Son of God we all just accept that but, shouldnt there have been a mother figure involved? A son with no mother? the last son we had with no mother was adam, and yet how did htat happen. He was created. So jesus was created. BUt if he was created how did he have a bellybutton? And how did he come out of mary? I really have no idea what i'm talking about but because i can type and think at the same time, i feel obligated to type myself to sleep. Speaking of goodnight, shadow of blog readers. Your presence was once recognized by these glorious tags.

And to think that no one knew,
That tonight would be the night.
As I threw the only punch,
As our skin first squeaked together,
And when our fingerprints bled to on,
Like the colors in the sky.
When the flash flood washes everything,
And the crazy build the arcs.
We rose up to our wishes,
Like our wax wings to the sun.
And the cars they looked like ants,
Speeding upon the empty earth,
Hopelessly rebuilding their colony,
Only to have it stepped on by the giants of the earth.

We were forsaken in our past,
By our future lover’s hands.
And the angry hornets chased us,
Like young boys after girls.
And we saw wanted posters,
Stapled to the cotton balls of clouds.
And the angels in position,
Using searchlights made of stars.
We saw the dome of night erupt,
Into a brightness like the sun.
And saw the ashes slowly fade,
Like neon liquid,
Sprayed from an invisible hose of grace.
And when the halos slowly fade,
Into the background of the dust,
We flew into the light,
But only hit the cardboard backdrop.

We found ourselves upon the beach,
Water glistened in the light,
And the reflection of the sunset,
Reminded us of the sweltering heat of the desert.
And when the waves crashed down upon us,
Like the whips of war and love.
We awoke and we choked on sand,
And the cliffs around us crumbled,
Like the buildings made of crackers.
The walls were closing in upon the figures in our minds.
And the people built clay statues,
For the immortal minds of heroes.
When the hands of clocks,
Grab hands of men,
In peaceful symbiosis,
The war of time is ended,
As we are forced into these holes,
6 feet straight down.

We were forsaken in our past,
By our future lover’s hands.
And the angry hornets chased us,
Like young boys after girls.
And we saw wanted posters,
Stapled to the cotton balls of clouds.
And the angels in position,
Using searchlights made of stars.
We saw the dome of night erupt,
Into a brightness like the sun.
And saw the ashes slowly fade,
Like neon liquid,
Sprayed from an invisible hose of grace.
And when the halos slowly fade,
Into the background of the dust,
We flew into the light,
But only hit the cardboard backdrop.

We dug into our sheets, that night,
And soundly fell asleep.
And we dreamed of worlds we never saw,
Cities brilliant, streets of gold.
A place where gray does not mean old.
A place where colors never fade,
Where creeks run deep,
And paper cities fold.
We smelled the flowers and never felt,
The strands of hair that blocked our mouths.
Till we shouted mercilessly,
Into the night.
The anger of the wind,
Swept us away.

[09:04] nstink7: u should use 2 kkey boards at this next show
[09:04] IIINoFXisgodIII: yea
[09:04] IIINoFXisgodIII: i shuld
[09:05] IIINoFXisgodIII: thatd be so badass
[09:05] nstink7: too badass
[09:05] IIINoFXisgodIII: i want a grand piano miced
[09:05] nstink7: ...lets hope there are no cats around
[09:05] nstink7: do do cha!
[09:05] IIINoFXisgodIII: LOLOOLOLOLOLOL
[09:05] IIINoFXisgodIII: omg

[11:24] grnadeglvs: dude i saw the funniest porno the other day dude
[11:24] grnadeglvs: it was like this three way with a guy and two chicks
[11:24] IIINoFXisgodIII: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
[11:24] IIINoFXisgodIII: hilariosu
[11:24] grnadeglvs: and the one girl was in like a full arm cast
[11:24] IIINoFXisgodIII: OLOLOLOL
[11:24] grnadeglvs: pink
[11:24] IIINoFXisgodIII: omg i'm blogging that
[11:24] grnadeglvs: nice dude
[11:24] grnadeglvs: but dude seriously it was so funny
[11:25] grnadeglvs: i was laughing so hard
[11:25] IIINoFXisgodIII: LOL
[11:25] grnadeglvs: she was like odd man out
[11:25] grnadeglvs: she didnt know what to do
[11:25] grnadeglvs: shed just like wander around aimlessly
[11:25] grnadeglvs: the end

RANDOM

sorry bout lack of posting...if anybody still checks this i'm coming back!

Carlo's response to the post below:
[11:54] DiGreGnnOrs: your the voice for all of us... too bad the media can't see this.. then for shure they'd cancel school! And not cuz its unfair, but because life to valuable to be locked in a room from 5-6 hours a day, where you constantly find yourself rasing your hand to ask the teach if you can "go to the bathroom" when really you don'y have to. Need air? A break? Can't concentrate? Afraid you might stay in class too long? Hope you might see something more exciting outside of class? Maybe, just maybe, you'll witness a sporatic event that may run through your day? Who knows; these questions subcontiously winnow through our minds each day, whether we are aware or not, or maybe im not making any sence, and paragraph is pointless and meaningless. And why, cuz im not shure, I dont know! Who knows? The media shure as hell doesn't.....and I'm OK with not knowing. I like not knowing; if i knew i wouldnt be writing this...

The depravation of sleep that school causes is downright unhhealthy. School not only teaches children to cheat, but also to hate middle aged adults who could not think of anything better to do than be a teacher. Homework makes absolutely no sense, being as we're in school for 6 hours a day, and then go home and do 2 hours more? Not to mention that we have 5 days of school, and 2 days of no school? We have 9 months of school, and 3 months of no school? Now we're teaching kids that life is unfair, which gives them a completely negative, pessimistic view of life. And why? Why children slave away doing useless work that theyll never use? Only to become another section in the history books of the future under a glossy title marked: "Education in the United States in the 21st century" Where other suffering children will remark, "They couldnt travel at the speed of light then?! How did they live?!"

HaleBopp424: you need more material on ur blog
*** Auto-response sent to HaleBopp424: Snowboarding..:)
HaleBopp424: not even an "I GOT MY LICENSE" post
HaleBopp424: u suck


oopsies...i havent posted in like 30000000000000 years sorry bout that i'm in mammoth right now.........nothing else to say lol...i'll post more later

Since i know you guys are all so very bored of lyrics, i decided to convey my thoughts and feelings in a very metaphorical short story.

Crunch, crunch, crunch. The snow kept crunching, echoing against the mountains above. Crunch, crunch, cruch, A man silently plows through the dark valley, his destination unknown. His face is bloody, and cold. His hands are numb, his teeth are chattering. He has been through quite a bit. His clothes are torn, his muscles ache, however he keeps walking, hoping. Hoping to find something better. He's talking to himself, contemplating. He's wondering what hes doing, where he's going. He questions everything, but gets no answers. Suddenly, the man is thrown to the ground by a shockwave, which buckled his knees, he found himself face to face with the cold, powdery earth. Everything fell silent. There was no whistle of the wind blowing fiercly, there was no crunch of his body against the earth. Just silence, perfection.

A single pole, shot from the ground, through the snow. It rose 10 feet out of the deep powder, and suddenly there was clarity. The fog was whisked into the sky, and the sun came out. The very top of the pole reflected the light with ultimate brilliance, so brilliant that the man thought he would go blind if he looked at it. However when he did, it was soothing. It was the most amazing feeling he had ever experienced. He felt revitalized, like he had just woken up from the deepest sleep. He found his climbing utensils that were still functional, and tied himself as tightly as he could to the pole. He vowed to himself never to let it go. He wouldnt, he couldnt. He held to the pole for 3 weeks. 3 weeks. He never had to eat, drink, anything. He was happy. There was a constant happiness in his life, where before there was nothing but depression, and anger. He knew the ropes wouldnt break, he knew he couldnt. His ropes wouldnt break, they were woven with them the strongest feeling in the world: Love.

The man was wrong. A deathly darkness swept through the valley, and the man heldfast to the pole. However his ropes were turned to dust. They cowered in front of the darkness, and fell to the ground. The pole sank lower and lower into the snow. It shuddered as it passed through the cold, dark snow. The man was thrown backwards, and cut by ice flying in the wind, he found himself once again facing the snow. His face was bleeding again, worse than before. His legs were broken. He couldn't move. He had no reason to move. He looked up and saw the brilliance of the pole in the distance, however it rejected him. It sank just as quickly back into the snow. The man wept, and yelled at the sky. He now wanders through the icy winter, dragging his body with his hands, wincing in pain as his legs refuse to heal. He will never be happy again, he is never to feel that feeling, ever, ever again.

If it makes you more comfortable,
I’ll make you uncomfortable.
We’re only prisoners,
To the blood that binds us.
My soul is made up,
Of broken feelings,
And scattered scars.
They huddled around,
The illuminated mess.
As they burned dictionaries,
In the middle of my street.

Why can’t I cry anymore?
I feel the lump in my throat,
But the tears just won’t come.
I just want to die,
And leave this prison,
Once and for all.
Secrets are told to be known.
Dreams are reflections of the past,
And predictions of the future.

You’re nothing but a footnote to me.
Nobody sees what I see.
Today I cried a single tear,
The first in so many years.
Sleeping off my thoughts of you.
I’m working on a new revelation.
My sanity is fading,
Into the sunset.
Where the pine trees smell like paint,
And the sky is made of cardboard.
She has brown eyes that stare,
Through me.
She stands with her hands on her hips,
Wearing nothing but a candy necklace on.

She said,
Just be yourself.
I don’t know who I am anymore,
I thought I was being myself,
Turns out I’m someone entirely different.
These three words,
I thought they meant the same to you.
So I’ll hurry along,
Without looking at you.
Try to forget about it,
As apparently you have.
This ones to you,
I mouth,
As the smoke leaks from my mouth.

I’m Sorry You’re Sorry for What you Did to Us
The jet black circles,
Within the holes in my head.
Lay upon,
The back of yours.
Futile attempts to continue as friends,
The awkward situations,
Are just too much to bear.
I’ll suffocate myself,
With a brown trash bag,
Whenever the going gets rough,
Cower in fear.
I wish I could have been,
What you always wanted,
Forever.

My sympathy for you,
Must be seen with a looking glass,
While my eyes magnify,
To four times their size,
You’re laughing away,
Externally happy,
With your crowd of friends.
So I’ll swallow this pill,
Or I’ll suck on this glass,
So I can finally find,
A more reliable source,
Of escape,
Or happiness.

So I see you sitting,
With your hair all done,
I’ll remember the time,
We held hands in this same class.
While you swore you loved me,
I was naïve,
I believed you,
I kept hoping I was wrong,
That people couldn’t see.
I made up an alternate reality,
Where high school sweethearts,
Meant you and i.
Married, in an art school in france,
I love you,
I loved you too.

IIINoFXisgodIII: carlo baby whatsup man
DiGreGnnOrs: nothing my computer wont stop sneezing
IIINoFXisgodIII: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
IIINoFXisgodIII: TAHTS HILARIOUS
IIINoFXisgodIII: THATS TEH FUNNIEST THING I"VE EVER HEARD
IIINoFXisgodIII: I'm puttin that on the bloog

How silly I was,
To think all of my problems would be solved.
The days come and go,
Without any regard for me.
It always bothered me,
How we’re all prisoners to time.
This cruel law,
That nobody can change.
The hands on the clock keep moving,
Even when the batteries are gone,
Time moves on.

I hope,
I hope,
I hope.
That’s all I’ve been saying.
I keep putting my heart,
Into other people’s hands.
And they juggle it around,
Like it’s nothing at all.
I’m thinking that you don’t love me anymore,
I’m wondering if you ever did.

It seems like I’ve come so far,
But thinking back it’s only been a couple feet.
The pain I’ve felt,
It’s gotten me nowhere.
I really do love you,
I really do care.
But the thing is,
Can you say the same?
Remember that time you wrote “Love, me,”
On the back of that now-and-later wrapper?
I wish you stayed now and later,
However you seem to fluxuate moods,
More than I do.

So we’ll keep this going,
We’ll keep it up.
I hope it’s just your temporary mood swings,
I hope in the next couple days,
You’ll swiftly walk to me,
And kiss me sweetly and tell me you love me.
I hope,
I hope,
I hope,
That’s all I say.
I hope,
Well hope is terrible,
Hope is the thing that kills me,
Slowly, I will die in my sleep.

IIINoFXisgodIII: we'll know what happened when u and carlo DIE!1!!
IIINoFXisgodIII: lol kidding
IIINoFXisgodIII: <3
IIIPennyLaneIII: at least we'll die at the same time it wont be like carlo is narcaleptic and falls a sleep with his hand in the garbage disposal and cailey dies of...falling off her bicycle
IIINoFXisgodIII: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLl
IIINoFXisgodIII: yeah thas blogged nooka
IIIPennyLaneIII: score
IIINoFXisgodIII: tahts so funny
IIINoFXisgodIII: ur so funy
IIINoFXisgodIII: howd u get so funny
IIIPennyLaneIII: its genetic
IIINoFXisgodIII: and practice
IIINoFXisgodIII: practice makes perfect
IIINoFXisgodIII: and an apple a dayu
IIIPennyLaneIII: from my dad's side cuz my mom isnt funny
IIINoFXisgodIII: LOL!
IIIPennyLaneIII: she likes simple humor

A quiet bookstore,
Where we five sat.
We were on the phone with you,
Because of your mother’s wrath.
I silently wished that you were there,
But I kept it to myself,
Walking a short distance away from the rest,
I hear their feeble laughter as they talk,
About things that don’t interest me.
We find chairs to sit in,
As a fire seemed to glow at our feet.
A secret was revealed,
But not to all.
We begged and begged,
And finally you said it was alright.

Falling deeper and deeper,
My mind swirled.
Words of congratulations filled my ears,
As I burned with hatred,
And jealousy.
Numbly, I sat,
Pretending I didn’t care.
Three of our five got up,
And we said our goodbyes.
You muttered your apology to me,
While I said it didn’t matter.

These words I bring to you,
On a silver platter,
Now we’re here in our disposition.
Bleeding apathy,
Combined with a lover’s distrust.
The pills I take,
To make myself feel good.
Are nothing compared to you.
The drugs I take,
To make myself forget,
I’ll never forget you.

Now I think of our creative disposition,
I’ll wait joyfully for you,
My excitement is bursting.
I don’t care about anyone else,
From now on it’s you and I.
I hope you feel the same,
I can’t help thinking that its going to happen again.
This curse will surely infect us both,
This sickness comes to snatch our children in the dark,
But stick this out with me,
And blue and green flowers will surely bloom,
And the sun shines overhead,
In our perfect world.



You know who you are...:D

LOL OH NOES!!!

"Today I cried a single tear,
The first in so many years."
-Written by: Logan Carroll


True story...

I’m multi-tasking,
Even though I have a one-track mind.
I’m thinking about you,
And hating everything I do.
I glance around this room,
And notice my past obsessions.
All gathered under one roof,
I feel it would be better to stab them,
Rather than to love them.
Why do I feel the need,
To think about you all the time?
It’s not my fault.
Its like my mind and body have,
Two separate agendas.

I still don’t get why you’re doing this to me.
What have I ever done to you?
I seem to have faith,
I feel as if I believed in you.
The only thing I see is your abandonment.
Sick of being told,
“you’re not good enough”
But hoping someday,
I’ll get so used to hearing it,
Maybe even start liking it.

What a meaningless existence this is,
I long for love,
But it is wasted on those who deserve it least.
Why do I feel,
Like I’m the only one who understands,
But I’m the only one who is being misunderstood?
Why am I even pursuing this so closely?
Desperate is given a new meaning,
When written next to the word people call me.
On this ridiculous rock,
Where “names” are nothing but serial numbers.

Built in Japan,
Built in America.
People’s heritages are nothing but stickers,
Planted on the back of themselves,
Marked as “products.”
I wonder if there’s product placement in heaven.
God chooses his worthiest individuals,
And plasters them on the gates of heaven.
Well I would be one of them,
But the people reject us,
Because of what?
The pictures become rotted,
And the corners become torn,
As the angry people of heaven,
Choose their mates,
And I’m left alone.

oooh ooooooh
oooh ooooooh
oooh ooooooh
oooh ooooooh

we were lovers *Not*
we were kissers *Not*
we were holders of hands *Never*
we were make believers *I was at least*
just losing time

and you said you'd rather live in tv land
than say that you care
but you don't
that's heartless and i will not cry

but i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
and i'm still in love

your dreams of acting onscreen
what do they mean
you'll be dancing senseless in your bedroom

and you find yourself out of a job
and before too long
you'll be selling lemonade to the overpaid

and i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
and i'm still in
love

oooh ooooooh
oooh ooooooh
oooh ooooooh
oooh ooooooh

i remember
it was summer
i was out of my head
but you weren't you're selfish
and a waste of space

but i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
and i'm still in
love
The stills-Still in love
*'s are added by ME!

Rockergodforever: UgaBoooga
IIINoFXisgodIII: LOL
Rockergodforever: Did I scare You
IIINoFXisgodIII: you did
IIINoFXisgodIII: LOL im' so putting that on the blog
Rockergodforever: Yesssss
IIINoFXisgodIII: ololoolollololl




My Dad lol

http://www.auburn.edu/~shephcd/whatyouare.html

IM A TESTICULAR FELCHER WHO LOVES TO WORSHIP BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today is the day I found I will not be happy,
Today is the day I found out nothing’s perfect.
I thought everything would be good one day,
I thought it would make it alright.
Maybe I’m just being paranoid,
Maybe I’ll get over this someday.
Hopefully we can make it out together,
Will we live to see another day?

The battle has begun,
It’s red vs. blue in a savage battle,
Between Chinese checkers,
Chess, It’s all just a game.
It shouldn’t be the game of life,
But the game of love.
It’s the game we’re all playing,
But nobody’s winning.

Its like walking down an eerie hallway,
Where the wind blows down your neck,
And someone whispers in the distance,
You’ll never make it out alive.
The traps are set,
I’m sure I’ll die.
So many assassins,
I know I’ll be dead,
Before the sun turns red.

Emotional ADD,
Where’s my Ritalin?
I’m picking up the phone again.
Sacrifices,
I’ve never made a real one in my life,
Promises,
I’ve never kept one in my life.
I wish I didn’t have to live this way,
But once your heart goes black,
It never goes back.

III 311isGod III: fuckin rebel

Auto response from IIINoFXisgodIII: Showering...



Naked.

III 311isGod III: who does that shit
III 311isGod III: honestly now
III 311isGod III: probably just doing it for shock value
III 311isGod III: well shickity shock

N stink7: wanna hear something silly
N stink7: i got back from school and was chewing on a quarter
N stink7: then i like had to swallow
N stink7: so i swallowed
N stink7: and i thought i swallowed the quarter
N stink7: but like 30 minutes later i found it hiding in my cheek

Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head? And does he sing to
you incessantly from the place between your bed and wall? Does he walk around all day at
school with his feet inside your shoes? Looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with
you. Does he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched and does he cry
through broken sentences like I love you far too much? Does he lay awake listening to your
breath? Worried that you smoke too many cigarettes. Is he coughing now on a bathroom floor?
For every speck of tile there are a thousand more that you won't ever see but most hold inside
yourself eternally. I drug your ghost across the country and we plotted out my death. In every
city, memories would whisper, Here is where you rest. I was determined in Chicago but I dug
my teeth into my knees and I settled for a telephone and sang into your machine. You are my
sunshine, my only sunshine I kissed a girl with a broken jaw that her father gave to her. She
had eyes bright enough to burn me. They reminded me of yours. In a story told she was a little
girl in a red-rouge, sun-bruised field and there were rows of ripe tomatoes where a secret was
concealed. And it rose like thunder, clapped under our hands. And it stretched for centuries to a
diary entry's end where I wrote, You make me happy when the skies are gray You make me
happy the skies are gray and gray and gray. Well the clock's heart it hangs inside its open
chest with its hands stretched towards the calendar hanging itself but I will not weep for those
dying days. For all the ones who have left there are a few that stayed. And they found me here
and pulled me from the grass where I was laid.
-Bright eyes "The calendar hung itself"

Seany Delight: my stomach feels confused and angry

morthanska: morthanska: wow so wtf happened w/ L's clothes?
HuLK100 8: nothin hes a fuckin dick
morthanska: so u didnt do anything to his clothes




LOL

Kudos to paddy...

IIINoFXisgodIII: we are like the same person
heaventonight66: yea we are , its crazy
heaventonight66: 1. we like the same music 2. we have psycho moms 3. we went to therapy because we hate our moms 4. we deal with our moms int he same way 5. we paly the piano 6. we wwrite poetry
heaventonight66: my list of how we r the same

more pics...still bad lolz it just is like about to rain so its dark again:(

got my hair cut...its ridiculously badass...check it out







..sory crappy pics and crappy lighting...more to come

::Ollie's profile::


paddy-"Yes for the day at hand, but by sun-up tomorrow i swear to you i will reach the house of my mother"


LOL

IIINoFXisgodIII: sexxxxxxxxxxxx
IIINoFXisgodIII: lolz
LUVERofSLATER: haha
IIINoFXisgodIII: think of a clever one for taht!
LUVERofSLATER: people hav it
IIINoFXisgodIII:
LUVERofSLATER: and sumtimes they get too old and dnt
IIINoFXisgodIII: LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
IIINoFXisgodIII: thats totally blogged







LOL

I am 83% addicted to Counterstrike. What about you?

Abused by the creator,
The suspicion of the gods of turmoil.
The words of the eerie,
Swirl around my in a statue-esque fashion.
The happiness I could have felt,
Had you been here in the first place,
Maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
But am I making this your fault,
When truly it is the black in my heart,
As well as the black in my lungs,
Which started this feud.
I’m not saying that I lied to you,
But the feelings I get you couldn’t replace.

And quite frankly,
I don’t care if you read this.
Because I’m over this,
I’m completely over the whole living thing.
The worst part about living,
Isn’t dying,
It’s you.
All of you while you bring me down,
Self-righteously I step into the light,
With my bloodshot eyes,
I silently pray that I die in my sleep.

It’s incredible how much love you feel,
When you feel people begin to feel scared of you.
My own tendencies seem to kill myself inside,
And by tendencies I mean you.
Where do you turn,
When the places you once sought refuge in,
Have withered into nothing.
While the people you “love,”
Try to take away the things you “love.”
But I know I wont stand for it,
I’ll stand up and scream,
The blood is too hot,
But the blade is too cold.

Oh no did I do it again?
People will be left wondering,
As I dream silently asleep.
But the truth is it’s not your fault at all,
Standing in a dream,
I am rejected in every way.
The dreams I feel,
Are what’s left of reality.
My shattered and cold heart,
Ripped out by yours truly,
And just so you know,
“You’re ripping my heart out,
You really are.”

Slowly the pen touches paper in the guidance of the words that you write.
Memories roll in; of the things you once did
and who you had shared them with. Is somebody thinking of you?
Did I bother telling you this, with the words that cross teeth and jump lips?
A poor choice of words, in wanting to tell you anything.
But words don't come with ease. They're forever my hurt.
Would it really matter, if you were to count the days left with your hands?
Your focus secure and the loves you left; well
smiles staged in photographs here until...

You, you left the light on.
There's a chance I might have tripped, girl
You were there to hold on.

[Chorus:]
Ignoring the words of your obnoxious little brother;
kill or be killed spilled the words from your mother.
I'll lay awake for a while.
I'll leave the light on a while.
But you couldn't last a lifetime. Caught between here and the days of it;
carving her name across your arm with every wish. It's hit or miss... her.
I told you so. I measured distance in lines departing the rest of my life.

But you, you, you... you had better things to do [x2]
Liar, liar, liar, liar. [x6]

[Chorus]

If you get put to sleep, like an old dog, you're better off.
If you get put to sleep;
I've been cautious with the words I extend.
Allow this year before the world starts to end.

Your father's dead. He passed in his sleep,
and I woke to the sounds of her crying.
[x3]

Your father's dead. He passed in his sleep.

Pray for us all. [to fade]
-Coheed and Cambria "Light & Glass"

well tomorrow is finals, which i have spent a lot of time studying, but little time understanding. Therefore i will be expecting between a 50 and 70 percent which will fit with my quiet collection of C's nicely. Life seems to be working out very nicely indeed. The "girl of my dreams" (hah yeah right) hates me and doesnt understand the fact that i "will do anything for her" (cliche right?) this whole rejection thing is just oh too familiar for me. The only hope i have for succeeding in this world is in my music, and as my band has not yet found another bassist, you can tell my life is truly looking up. Shoot up a quick prayer for me will you?


-Logan

What is wrong with you!
Don’t you see I’d do anything for you?
I can’t help still thinking about you,
Even though I feel like I hate you,
I know I’d take you in the end.
The prospect was looking quite up,
Was it my stupid habits that drove you away?
Was it my personality?
Or lack thereof?

Am I too quiet?
Am I too shy?
Was I too selfish?
All my hopes,
All my dreams,
Shattered by your words,
Shattered by my emptiness.
All my words,
All my ways,
Shattered by your high standards,
Shattered by my insecurities.

I know I wasn’t,
Exactly what you wanted.
But in reality,
I’m exactly what you need.
The only person who really cares about you,
I’d do anything for you,
But you threw me away.
Because of my slight deformity,
Like a lonely rag doll,
With only one eye,
And a slit down the middle.
Only I could care for you,
Why were you so foolish?

When you really think about it,
It’s half your fault to begin with.
My deformity is part of the problem,
But cause and effect works in mysterious ways.
The cause was your rejection,
However the effect was the cause of the rejection.
Déjà vu,
Is payback at its finest,
And if what they say is,
The grass is always greener on the other side,
How come all that surrounds me is black?

Contemplating,
Make the choice.
I’m not afraid to die,
I’m just too afraid to live.
You know I don’t hate you,
I’m just too scared of you.
I can’t even talk to you.
Maybe I’ll let myself,
Dig deep into my inner self.
And unearth some courage,
Unearth the mysteries that is,
The insecurity I feel.

I’m in the same predicament,
It’s all happening again I can see it.
The stupidity,
The conformity.
It’s like the worlds out to get me.
Such a stupid thought,
Such a stupid action,
Wrought from the hands of idleness and jealousy.
I’m really quite stupid,
To let this go on this way,
The way last year went,
This year isn’t quite looking up.

Looking back on the words I wrote,
Whispering softly,
Strangled by this coat.
This anger lies in me skin deep.
This sadness is programmed into me,
So what if I’m a robot.
I may be a little bit different,
But the last thing I wanted,
Was for you to know the intent.
The knife that sticks far out my back,
Placed in my sleep by my hands.
I fought to control myself,
But I betrayed me once again.

I’m in the same predicament,
It’s all happening again I can see it.
The stupidity,
The conformity.
It’s like the worlds out to get me.
Such a stupid thought,
Such a stupid action,
Wrought from the hands of idleness and jealousy.
I’m really quite stupid,
To let this go on this way,
The way last year went,
This year isn’t quite looking up.

So what will you all think 3 months from now,
Will you even remember my name.
Who do I really care about?
What is worth living for.
This isn’t for anyone its all for me,
I feel so selfish but take nothing from anyone.
I deserve to be killed,
But I’m made to suffer instead.
The truths I see in my sleep,
The reality of surreality,
It makes me calm,
The only time I’m truly happy,
Is when I dream.

Thank you so much,
For making me feel,
Like my work was worth something.
Thank you so much,
For making me feel,
Like I was worth something to you.
But its true I’m not I know I’m not.
Which is why I put myself,
In this situation again.
I made myself think,
That this would make you think differently.
Silly me…

Is it just me,
Or is this just horrible.
Is it just me,
Or is my life terrible.
Is it just me,
Or does nobody seem to notice me,
Like I’m invisible while you try,
To avoid the warning signs,
That surround my body.

I’m lit up like a vegas billboard,
I cant help it you’re beautiful.
I’m so sick of being bored,
I’m so sick of being hung upon this scoreboard.
Which reads me 0,
You too many.
I feel so sad,
I feel so angry,
I feel so stupid,
I feel so tricked.
I cant help thinking that you’ll never love me.
Which is right its true so why pretend?

Is it just me,
Or is this just horrible.
Is it just me,
Or is my life terrible.
Is it just me,
Or does nobody seem to notice me,
Like I’m invisible while you try,
To avoid the warning signs,
That surround my body.

Once again the fatal question,
Is it you or is it me,
Whose holding the gun.
While I lay on the floor in a bloody heap,
With these dying scars that run knee deep.
Things have just been made awkward,
I lost the best thing I could’ve had with you,
A friendship,
Taking a chance I lost it,
And I thought someday you could be my wife,
Oh well, its just the story of my life.

LUVERofSLATER: ok u are honorary indian

NICE I'M SO TOTALLY INDIAN!

N stink7: bumble bee or teady rossevelt
N stink7: ?
IIINoFXisgodIII: ?!?!
N stink7: its a very respectable question
N stink7: please answer
IIINoFXisgodIII: obviously bumble bee
IIINoFXisgodIII: i was just confused at ur absurdity
N stink7: k bumble bee or fortune five hundered
IIINoFXisgodIII: oh duh
IIINoFXisgodIII: fortune five hundred
N stink7: fortune five hundred or couldasack
IIINoFXisgodIII: couldasack
IIINoFXisgodIII: but its a close one
N stink7: couldasack or cd case
IIINoFXisgodIII: couldasack
IIINoFXisgodIII: another cose one
IIINoFXisgodIII: close*
N stink7: ok you will marry Hannah live in a shck drive a horse and ur honey moon will be in paris
IIINoFXisgodIII: LOLOLOLOLOL
IIINoFXisgodIII: WTF
N stink7: i have no idea
IIINoFXisgodIII: THATS SO FUNNY

IIINoFXisgodIII: i'm gonna kick u in the fetus
N stink7: my fetus will kick u back

Is it that I’m too confusing?
Why won’t anybody come to know me.
Like I want them to?
Clouded by the vision that blinds us,
Written by the authors who erase us.
Sitting alone in this dimly lit room,
Hoping that someday you’ll say,
You hope for me too.
Given the dissatisfaction,
Of knowing that you’re there,
Yet knowing also,
That you wouldn’t care.

I’ll play these tricks on me,
So I can finally see,
The way you talk about me,
When I’m not around.
Which is always,
And the way you talk is silence.
Finding super-strength,
To run me down,
I’ll raise you up on a glass pedestal,
While I lay hidden in the shadows,
Made by your lofty position.

But who am I really mad at?
Is it you?
Is it me?
You’re so innocent,
While I’m so guilty.
These thoughts I write,
Just so I can show you,
While you have “no idea”
It kills me inside to know you’re there,
But still more to know that you won’t care.

So I’ll leave you with this fleeting impression,
The ray of sunshine,
At the end of the tunnel.
Maybe you’ll see my subtle hints.
Maybe you’ll catch my selfish intent.
When you read this,
And I know you will,
Think for a second,
As to who it could be,
This is the only way I know,
How to get to you.

III 311isGod III: how much do u want to bet this was a product made by asians?

Red gold sun,
Shining brilliantly through the clear blue sky.
The Rays cut like a knife,
And make contact with your face.
The glowing result is impossible to describe,
Your green-blue eyes shimmer slightly,
I wish this moment would never end.
I wish this moment had ever started.
Startling awake,
The sound waves travel through space,
As I lay there staring at the ceiling.

Drag myself to the place to meet you,
My only motivation,
Is knowing I’ll see you.
Knowing I’ll see your face.
Keep me going,
Heaven on hell,
My angel in disguise.
My angel of death,
While I lay here dying…

Suffocate me through your words,
Or lack thereof,
While I lie here shaking.
Check myself thoroughly,
I don’t know who to believe.
While he runs egotistical,
I stay insecure.
Bleeding through,
The drawing leap off the page,
Telling the story of me and you.

Drag myself to the place to meet you,
My only motivation,
Is knowing I’ll see you.
Knowing I’ll see your face.
Keep me going,
Heaven on hell,
My angel in disguise.
My angel of death,
While I lay here dying…

You’re like the one who holds,
The keys out in front of me
While I sit behind bars,
Watching as you tease me.
Let me out I pray for you,
I bleed for you,
I’ll do anything for you.
Just tell me,
I scream your name,
Just to get me through.

Drag myself to the place to meet you,
My only motivation,
Is knowing I’ll see you.
Knowing I’ll see your face.
Keep me going,
Heaven on hell,
My angel in disguise.
My angel of death,
While I lay here dying…

One of the many things that pisses me off:


People who live through other people. For instance, people who really want girlfriends, but cant get them, so they are constantly in another person (who has a girlfriend)'s business. its just retarted and low. People don't have lives, theyre bored with their own life they constantly have to be occupied with the people around them? that just annoys everyone in the situation. Another example, someone who really likes this girl, but she doesnt like him back. So he finds the guy she does like and he tries to convince him to go out with her. Which totally doesnt make sense in the first place, if you like a girl, last thing you want is for her to have a boyfriend right? But for these people, it is better to be "close" to this girl by seeming to be in her business and "caring" about who she likes. Which ultimately creates problems because then you become the perfect "friend" not "boyfriend." so by in large, this whole situation creates nothing but problems and hurt.

Well here goes,
Take these steps,
Like a brief homily,
Racing through my heart.
Well here goes,
Your not interested again,
Sliding through this year
Without a single chance of redemption.
Seems everything that’s bad,
Happens to me,
Change with the seasons,
Not me this time.

Blink these eyes,
Segments of this year,
Like hot flashes,
Like violent slurs,
Suddenly to the end of my life.
You stand surrounded by the brightest light,
I sit suffocated in the darkest black.

It wouldn’t hurt, I thought,
It’s not like that this time.
But what can I say?
I’m the very very best,
At being second best.
So next time you take him in your arms,
Think of me,
Writhing on the floor,
Held by invisible ropes,
Bound by this unjust life.

Remember back then,
When you used to be that boy?
Remember when this happened all over again?
Got my hopes up,
thanks a lot.
Led me on to the best of your ability,
Never thought, its just inevitability.
So forget it,
Let me go now,
Let me walk through this light,
And leave everything behind.

::I Cant take this anymore, get me out of here::

N stink7: are u acually gonna chill wit her
IIINoFXisgodIII: yea
IIINoFXisgodIII: of course
N stink7: like
N stink7: its not gonna be akwardf
IIINoFXisgodIII: hellkz no
N stink7: if its akward tell her the cookie joke
IIINoFXisgodIII: .....
N stink7: its long
N stink7: k
N stink7: hear it goes
IIINoFXisgodIII: I PLAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
IIINoFXisgodIII: AND ALWAYS WIN
N stink7: theres a cookie driver
N stink7: who drives cookies up a hill
IIINoFXisgodIII: cookie driver?
IIINoFXisgodIII: LOL ok
N stink7: (to the factory) duh
IIINoFXisgodIII: lolokkok
N stink7: well he drives cookies up a hill
N stink7: so one day he loads up these cookies
N stink7: into his vab
N stink7: and starts driving up the hill
N stink7: he turned on the car...and started driving
N stink7: he was half way up the hill when the worst thing imaginable (for a cookie driver could happen)
N stink7: .....
N stink7: ALL THE COOKIES FELL OUT
IIINoFXisgodIII: ....
IIINoFXisgodIII: LOL
N stink7: so he drives back down the hill
N stink7: cleans the cookies
N stink7: and starts going back up
N stink7: ....he makes it half way up the hill
N stink7: and
N stink7: again the cookies fall out
N stink7: he drives back down frustrated and unhappy
N stink7: he loads the cookies back in the van then tells theem, "If you cookies fall out of my van one more time, im going to throw you into the nearby ocean"....
N stink7: the cookie said "yes cookie driver, we promise we wont fall out""
IIINoFXisgodIII: LOL
N stink7: so he started back up the hill
N stink7: slowly
N stink7: slowly because he loved the cookies and parting ways with them would be the hardest thing any cookie driver wouold have to do
N stink7: well he starts driving up
N stink7: he is almost at the cfactory when
N stink7: ALL THE COOKIES FALL OUT
IIINoFXisgodIII: LLLLLLLLOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLl
N stink7: so regretably he throws them into the ocean
N stink7: now luckly these cookies could swim until they aborbed to much water
N stink7: so they met a nearby whale who decided to helpo them out
N stink7: the cookies said " hey whale, can ou give me a ride to the nearest seaport for we need to try off before we absorb to much water"
N stink7: the whale says
N stink7: "no can do young cookies, my blue coating a heavy organs wont allow me to get closer to shore then this
N stink7: so they cookies swim off disappointed
N stink7: ...
N stink7: thats it
N stink7: thats the punch line
IIINoFXisgodIII: LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLl
IIINoFXisgodIII: thats sooooooooo totally and completely going on the blog
N stink7: damn right it should
N stink7: it took me a whole 5 minutes to type
IIINoFXisgodIII: thats the funniest thing i've ever heard

LLOLLLL

IIIPennyLaneIII: woah i just remembered baby bottle pops
IIIPennyLaneIII: RANDOM
IIINoFXisgodIII: BABY BOTTLE POPS
IIINoFXisgodIII: BABY BOTTLE POPS
IIIPennyLaneIII: lick the pop dip it and shake it
IIINoFXisgodIII: its a baby bottle pop
IIINoFXisgodIII: LOL
IIIPennyLaneIII: AND DIP IT AGAIN
IIIPennyLaneIII: oh goodness
IIINoFXisgodIII: LOLLL!!!!
IIINoFXisgodIII: blogged

lol

sorry bout the lack of posting :( soooooo buzy

If you only once would let me
Only just one time
Then be happy with the consequence
With whatever's gonna happen tonight
Don't think we're not serious
When's it ever not
The love we make is give and it's take
I'm game to play along

All I can say
I shouldn't say
Can we take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time

oh oh, oh oh oh
oh oh, oh oh oh

All the best DJs are saving
Their slowest song for last
When the dance is through
Its me and you
Come on would it really be so bad
The things we think might be the same
But I won't fight for more
Its just not me to wear it on my sleeve
Count on that for sure

All I can say
I shouldn't say
Can we take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time
You want to take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time
Yeah - We still have time

oh oh (ahhhhhhhh)
oh oh (ahhhhhhhh)
oh oh (ahhhhhhhh)
oh oh (ahhhhhhhh)

Can't say I was never wrong
But some blame rests on you
Work and play they're never okay
To mix the way we do

All I can say
I shouldn't say
Can we take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time
You want to take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time
We still have time
Jimmy Eat world "work"
-explains my mood

Wheres my mentor?
Wheres my stress relief?
Why does it seem like
Everyone else has someone to talk to.
While I’m sitting here alone,
Talking to myself.
This is my stress relief.
This pen,
This pad,
This padded room.
This is what I life for,
This is what I’ll probably die for.

The taste of metal in my mouth,
Reveals to me a life I never knew.
I’m so close to tears,
I can feel them in my head.
So what is my relief?
Who is my hero,
Whose gonna come and take me away,
Away from all of this.
All this unwanted tension,
Its eating me away from the inside.

Fighting like little girls,
How’d this all come about.
Is it me?
Is it my problem?
Is that the type of thinking,
That got me into this mess?
I’m tangled up,
In all these ropes,
I’m struggling to break free,
Where’s my knife to cut me loose?
How am I supposed to live,
When I’m being choked by imaginary ropes?
Hung by the sickness inside.

The taste of metal in my mouth,
Reveals to me a life I never knew.
I’m so close to tears,
I can feel them in my head.
So what is my relief?
Who is my hero,
Whose gonna come and take me away,
Away from all of this.
All this unwanted tension,
Its eating me away from the inside.

In the end I know this is what will get to me,
Its my fault while I’m staring at you.
Miscommunications its turning my whole life around.
Stabbing me in the back,
While staring me in the face,
Your look portraying pain,
While you scream silent prayers.
Don’t stop,
See the blood squirting,
Don’t stop,
See how I’m squirming.
It’s the pain inside that kills me,
Not this knife in my back.

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Just call me honest abe...

N stink7: I got your owl refering to my outstanding score on this years NEWT
N stink7: as my scores do show....it turns out i will be an Auror, which unfortunately requireres 7 more years of schooling
N stink7: assuming of course that Umbridge isnt teaching anymore
N stink7: But if she is the ministry will hear from me
N stink7: ill send them a nasty owl
N stink7: perhaps a howler
N stink7: in order to convey the right affect, but if that doesnt get Umbridge fired i might have to go visit Charlie whose off with the dragons in egypt
N stink7: he'll know what to do
N stink7: i mean he should, hes realated to the 2 weasley brothers
N stink7: fred and george what acouple of goof balls
N stink7: a reguarl lary and curley those 2 are
N stink7: im thinking about writing an owl to Harry, but i dont know how muggle mail works
N stink7: well if im visiting charlie i might as well have a word with Mr. weasly...and ask him about muggle mail
N stink7: Well i dont know if Harry would even read my mail, seeing as he is so protected
N stink7: so i shouldnt bother
N stink7: Did u revieve the Quibbler this week

Auto response from IIINoFXisgodIII: Because now i know why i dont trust people,
becuase everyones just walking around with a knife in their pocket...

N stink7: i did
IIINoFXisgodIII: OMFG DUDE
IIINoFXisgodIII: most definitely blogged

probably the coolest thing i've ever seen.

IIINoFXisgodIII: stick figures own.
IIIPennyLaneIII: lol
IIIPennyLaneIII: that they do
IIINoFXisgodIII: i wish i were a stick figure
IIINoFXisgodIII: OMFGOMFGOMFOMGOMFGOFGOMFGOMGFOMFOGMFOM
IIIPennyLaneIII: that would be SO GREAT
IIINoFXisgodIII: OMFG THE BEST THING JUST HAPPENED
IIIPennyLaneIII: ok hold on lemme just go with this for a minute
IIINoFXisgodIII: ok
IIIPennyLaneIII: dhruv: "lets invite logan over"
IIIPennyLaneIII: carlo: "no, its so annoying, he's always hiding behind things and listening to our conversations and shit"
IIIPennyLaneIII: oh god i love this
IIINoFXisgodIII: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
IIINoFXisgodIII: OMFG
IIINoFXisgodIII: BLOGG
IIIPennyLaneIII: VICTORY
IIINoFXisgodIII: lol holdon
IIIPennyLaneIII: kk
IIIPennyLaneIII: anywho
IIIPennyLaneIII: that would be so weird, if ur friends were just like random objects
IIINoFXisgodIII: ok
IIINoFXisgodIII: lol
IIIPennyLaneIII: like if dhruv were a melon
IIIPennyLaneIII: and carlo was a bicycle
IIINoFXisgodIII: LLLLLLLOLLLLLLL
IIINoFXisgodIII: thats incredibly random
IIIPennyLaneIII: i know
IIIPennyLaneIII: but how great wud it be
IIIPennyLaneIII: omg you would be a nunchuck!
IIIPennyLaneIII: no doubt!

LOL

It's proof...

dirtbikedude2984: and then she will be like how much does a ticket cost and then u will be 5+5 and she will be 10
IIINoFXisgodIII: LOOL
dirtbikedude2984: and u will be i heard you are doing very well in school
IIINoFXisgodIII: dude
IIINoFXisgodIII: i must say
IIINoFXisgodIII: you have earned yourself a spot on the blog
dirtbikedude2984: cool

OMFG funniest thing ever...if your l337...

The Llama song?

lol

III 311isGod III: logan's humor of the day
IIINoFXisgodIII: ?
III 311isGod III: provided by chris
IIINoFXisgodIII: ...
III 311isGod III: a note my friend left on the messageboard for the kitchen at the dorm:
III 311isGod III: "your mustard is almost as runny as the watery diarrhea your food gives me"
IIINoFXisgodIII: LOL
IIINoFXisgodIII: lolollol thats hilarious
III 311isGod III: glad i could help
IIINoFXisgodIII: bloggin

I find it kinda funny that, when you imagine a moment so many times over and over again in you head, and then finally, when the time comes for that moment to pass, it happens nothing like you imagined it would. It's sort of like deja vu. When you have deja vu, you remember something that happened, SOME other time. You dont ever remember when that happened before. And everyone knows that feeling. The feeling when you're having Deja Vu. And everyone feels the need to tell everyone around them. Its the same thing. When you're imagining an event that hasnt happened yet, over and over, it becomes somewhat of an obsession. its kinda weird. You'll get the image or its like a video player in your head. It just happens. You just see it. Then when it actually happens. All of that goes out the window. Its like you completely forgot what you were obsessing over for the past X amount of days/weeks/months/years. Its crazy. Anywho...remember this one last line. "You know that without the unknown, deja vu is just a memory."

Random. but yes. something thats been plaguing my mind lately.